Last Rant As A Member Of Souled Out (I Hope)

APOLOGIES TO READERS: I’m not going to apologize for the material you’re about to read because this is honest talk that is straight from the heart. I’m apologize if there seems to be a lack of direction with this. I wrote this with full emotion and I wrote whatever could come out of my head.

A great song once began with the words, “Let it all out, get it all out..”
That’s what I’m gonna do.

I’m praying to God that this will be the last time I ever rant about Jason ever again.

Last Sunday, Brian chose me to lead worship for Praise and Prayer Night. Excitedly, I chose a lineup well before hand. In my opinion I felt that this lineup would be a more spiritually led lineup. But at the same time I was hoping that I would show the church what I’ve learned since leaving FACC. Each person has a different leading style, and for that moment I really hoped Jason had been watching.

I took the time to watch what the rest of the group was doing. I felt that the youth was sitting too far away so I got everybody to come up to the stage so we can do some close quarter worship, or CQW, if you prefer. Nobody wanted to clap or get active during Today Is The Day so I sat down with them for most of the set, adding the line, “I don‘t want you guys to look up to me during this time of worship, but I want you guys to look up to God.” And during the song I Exalt Thee, I kept singing the chorus repeatedly because I felt that the group was really feeling the song (not because of me, but because of God). It was all about knowing my audience, a lesson I learned at Christian Musician Summit by Overlake’s worship minister, Jesse Butterworth. I felt, from a leader standpoint, that it did start off rocky, but it ended up fine at the end.

The next day, Jason sends me a message on Facebook. I’m pretty sure that Jason wouldn’t want me to present this in public for the world to see, but seeing as how I’m on a roll of pissing people off, I say “Why not?” This is his full message, with nothing edited out.

Hey Billy,Thanks for playing last night. Take the time to assess how you did.

Questions like this help all worship leaders and directors over them.

"Was my heart right?"

"Was I singing to God, myself, or for man?"

"How did I do in taking others to the throne of God?"

"Is there something better I can do, or not do, next time to help others approach God's throne?"

This is for yourself.

I do have one note. Darlene Zschech said it best, "Our main goal (as a worship leader) is to step aside on stage and reveal God as the spotlight."Humble yourself.Another day in God's Grace.

Blessings,
Jason

Jason, first of all, these are questions you should be asking yourself every week. I obviously never go to FACC’s services to watch you lead, but my mom is always there every week, and gives me a clear picture of what you do during worship. She tells me that every week you go out there and continually try to get the audience involved by either clapping their hands or giving “I Have A Dream” speeches. Remember what I said about knowing your audience? Your audience is not a bunch of youth, you lead a bunch of 60-70 year old FILIPINOS!!! Culturally, we are more introverted in the way we praise God. We’re not known for raising our hands or clapping or singing along. You of all people should know that considering you’re late like all Filipinos are, but I’ll save that for another story.

Second, I see so many things that were implied in this message. Keep in mind you’re talking to a guy who speaks implied on the daily. And this is what you’re implying to me. The message that I’m receiving is that you think that I’m doing this as more of a performance. That I’m focusing too much on the music and not on God. I think you’re trying to base that around the practice. The last time I checked, practice is meant for us to focus on the music in the first place. That’s why I took all the time in the world to practice the music. I only had a half hour to practice with you guys since I had to scrounge up a team last minute and that of course could put stress on any leader. I’ll honestly tell you that during the practice I wasn’t thinking about God, but getting the songs down as fast as possible. Another implied message I’m seeing is that there is a very negative tone with this message. You sit here explaining all of my faults (implied of course), and the only sentence that I see that is actually positive is the first line. From then on, you start the hate. I’m gonna tell you right now that real leaders never do that when they send people a message. They take the time to explain what you did right and what you did wrong. They support the rights and help you find a way around the wrongs. You did neither. Instead you left it up to me to figure out what I did wrong and didn’t give me any way to fix it.

But because I’m here blazing on your methods of leadership, even though these questions were meant for myself only, I’ve decided to publicly answer them.

“Was my heart right?”-I can honestly say not for the first couple of songs. The reasons why were because I knew Frank and Ian had never played the songs before so in my head I kept thinking if they were gonna make mistakes or not. But when I started singing Your Love Never Fails and the rest of the songs following, I felt more into the worship and I started declaring that God’s love never fails as if I was conversing with him. My heart was also set on the last two songs, Above All and I Exalt Thee. Seeing the youth sing with their hearts really helped set my heart on God and not the music.

“Was I singing to God, myself, or man?”-This is a confusing question. Mostly because some songs are meant to be directed towards man so they would know about God. But that’s another story. This question in essence is the exact same thing as the question above, so you may refer to my last response.

“How did I do in taking others to the throne of God?”-I talked to Paulo about something like this. He told me that he was feeling it all night, especially during I Exalt Thee, all 15 minutes of it. I took one person to the throne of God. That’s good enough for me.

“Is there something I can do, or not do, next time to help others approach God’s throne?”-Here’s where your implied message will meet my implied message. I think I should have done less talking. Jesse Butterworth of Overlake Christian Church once said, “Nobody wants to hear the worship leader talk, that’s what the sermon is for. Shut up and sing!” Those were really his words, truth. But other than that, because a certain someone failed to state what I did well or didn’t do well, I cannot give a proper answer to this question. But if you were asking yourself this exact same question, I would be more then willing to answer it. Not only would I explain to you the things you didn’t do well, but I would be happy to point out the things you did well. Why? Because I’m a nice guy and I would be a hypocrite if I did otherwise.
I hope that you are asking yourself these questions as well, considering you keep putting me down in your messages. And as for that quote, that’s some good advice. Why don’t you take that into consideration.

I wish someday you can come into Northwest Church. I pretty much do the exact same things that I did for your administration in FACC. But here’s the thing; they respect me for it. They respect the fact that I am a young man who shows his maturity in the way that he leads. And this isn’t coming from a Tita or a Tito who is obliged to say that. This is coming from musicians that have played their respective instruments for up to 40 years. This is coming from worship leaders involved in the church all their life. These exact same people tell me what’s good and what’s bad about the way I worship. More importantly, they SUGGEST IDEAS ON HOW TO HELP ME OUT! You know why? Because they’re real worship leaders. These are people that give opportunities for all people in the church to take part in ministries at NW because they want everyone to expose their talent. If you don’t believe me, I’m leading worship on January 24th. I am openly inviting you to come celebrate with us at NW Church.

I think I said in my last blog that I don’t respect you and I never will. This message you sent me has cemented that statement.