Stop...Just Stop

Last Sunday, I went to Northwest Church. It was awesome as always. We had a guest worship leader by the name of Ariel Cepriano, and the worship was great. It was followed by a sermon that wasn't really a sermon but more of a laying out of the plans for 2010. But Chris still had some lines that I wish FACC would hear. Stuff like if you do too much in the church, most of the stuff you do will be lower in quality and probably would be counterproductive. And we finished off the first Sunday of 2010 by immersing four young ones into our baptismal. It was a joyous moment.

After church, I got dropped off by Ross and Ally at FACC just in time for Potbless. It was quite possibly the most abysmal choice I made that day. For some reason, As soon as I walked into FACC I had felt stressed out. Mostly it was because I had to find an emergency bassist and remind Jason that I needed lead sheets. But nonetheless, I was stressed, depressed, and somewhat angry while being there. I can't explain it, but I was just fine coming into FACC, but when I went out I was a wreck.

It could be a lot of reasons. For example, in that church I feel like I need to cater to everyone. I have to see everybody, and that could put a lot of stress on people and more importantly it could make you come off as fake. Like when I used to lead worship at FACC; I could easily tell who was honest with their compliments and who was just saying them just for the sake of making their "outreach" quota.

Another reason was like I said, I kept thinking about who would be my emergency bassist for that night's P&P Night. I almost lost Ian for that night as well. Jason was in his normal jerk mood. My plans for P&P Night just weren't coming together.

Another possible reason was I personally wasn't in the mood to go to FACC in the first place. I had just come off witnessing four baptisms at NW Church. I don't want that high to go away. I could have just gone home, but I just had to go to FACC. Why? Mostly it's because my mom was there and I originally told her I'd be coming to FACC later.

As I was leaving I was trying to call people to come up to P&P Night and Tita Ida was trying to get my attention and saying she loves the things I do on stage. I ended up getting hella pissed and trying to wave her off. But she kept touching me and trying to intrude while I was talking to people. I've said it before and I'll say it again, I really don't like people touching me (unless it's a hot girl, then by all means) and I'm bound to start some crap if you do. Plus it's disrespectful to keep talking to me while I'm on the phone. I'm a guy that can only focus on one person at a time. Tita Ida, I'm sorry for what I did last Sunday but sometimes you just do things that piss me off.

These past couple months I don't feel good coming to FACC, especially on Sunday mornings. I remember last December, 3 people got baptized at NW Church, and along with the fact that Jason decided to replace me for P&P Night, I decided not to go to Souled Out or to Sunday Morning Service because I wanted to maintain that high I got for seeing people baptized. I still can't explain it because if it was Jason, I would have felt it a long time ago. If it was hanging with Filipinos, I would have felt it a long time ago. If it was Tita Ida, I would have just simply stayed away from her as far as possible, which is what I tried to do my whole tenure at FACC.

So this is a message I'm giving to myself: "Stop..just stop." You said to yourself that when you moved to NW Church, you would have no affiliation with FACC no more. But look at you, now you're back in Souled Out which you swore never to return to. And don't make TRANSFORMED the excuse. That was months ago, and Souled Out is back in the same exact rut it was in when you left. There is nothing left for you to do at FACC, mostly cause the family will never allow you to do any more than what you have done. The only person that gave you a level of freedom was Brian and now he's gone. Get it through your head Billy, There is no need for you to go to FACC anymore. Focus your attention on NW Church and be done with FACC.

Like Brian, the 10th of January will officially be my last Souled Out. I'm not even sure I'll even go to it anyway.

Enjoy Yourself,
Kuya Billy