mister_b1LL, I Think You Need Love

I'm gonna take a break from my normal ranting to put some real emotion in a blog. If you think this is worth putting on Facebook, by all means let me know.

I have entered a slump. And by that I mean with women. For me it is a very important thing for me to have a girl in mind. But unfortunately, that is not the case. Since I broke up with shewhomustnotbenamed, I've tried to fill that hole that is in my heart for the past 7 months. It's not that I want her back because that is certainly not the case. I have moved on from her. The problem is that I can't find someone to take her place.

Back in the day I used to have a ranking system. I know it's a very stupid idea to have something like this because if you end up with #7, she'd be pissed off at you cause she wasn't your number #1. But it kept me going. I had a top 10 of who I'd like to go out with, and starting from #1 I would go down the list until I found somebody that would click with me and we'd go out. The list would consist of girls from every aspect of my life; school, work, church.

Since recently that list has been all but non-existant. I've left my former church in order to move to another church that as a scarce number of people around my age (18-24). I'm currently not in school and most of the girls at Hollister are already taken. The ones that aren't have no interest in me or I have no interest in them due to personal preferences. Plus most of the girls I don't get to see often because of work schedules.

I have reached this period in my life where I am just too old for the youngins and too young for the olders. For example, I once tried to ask out this girl who just graduated high school. Doing so made me realize just how old I was. At that time I was 3 years older than her. On the other extreme, there is another girl I know whom I feel she and I would really be able to click together, however she is about 7 years older than I am which is way out of my range and is probably also out of her range.

When you combine that with the fact that I have no real people around my age in my life, it complicates things.

I could definitely go the swingers route and go bar hopping every night trying to meet new girls, but 1) I'm not a drinker and 2) I'm not a fan of the potential one night stand. It's not a matter of confidence either. Ask any person at work and they know that I can talk with everybody.

I have just hit a rut. And it's affecting my personal life.

Without someone to pursue, I feel my need for physical satisfaction grow even stronger. Earthly needs outweigh my spiritual needs. In turn, I start to lose my focus.

I need love. No question about it. And I believe I need it soon. I'm not asking for a girlfriend, but I'm just asking for new doors to be opened.

Psalm 98:4,
Kuya Billy